Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
