Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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