I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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