the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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