i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
