He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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