peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
