So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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