sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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