i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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