I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
