the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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