shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
