how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
