I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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