I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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