remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
