Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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