i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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