I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
