True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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