I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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