I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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