I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
