The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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