Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
