i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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