I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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