she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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