one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
