my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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