We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
