Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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