they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
