Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
