woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
