Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
