This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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