forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
