Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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