I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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