don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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