If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
