Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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