Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
