I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
