I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
