Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
