i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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