you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
