I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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