im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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