so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
