I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
