I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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