If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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