I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
