you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
