I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
