Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
