so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
