Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
