After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
