i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
