Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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