everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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