I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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