Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
