i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
two words: eviction party
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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