Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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