did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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