his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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