she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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