I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
