is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just found puke in my bra..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My liver just had a heart attack.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
